I'm No Expert - a Blog on Motherhood and Life in General

Am I the only one outraged at the amount you have to spend to get a small plastic toy? I mean, it’s not only a question of whether you can afford it – it’s a question of whether you want to throw your money away on it! Today I have a challenge. To try and get a really special gift for a 6-year-old girl, on a budget of PLN 70 (around 30 AUD). No it’s not some silly game at cheapskate, it’s a new rule introduced into the annual charity Christmas shopping event I have been participating in for the last few years. The budget was once a lot higher – around PLN 200. The kids would make their wish lists and the organiser of this fantastic event would email them out to us all. It was in the form of a table, with the kids’ names and ages, sizes if relevant, and a list of things they wished for. With a budget like that (roughly 90 AUD) it was fun to try and get everything on the list – and almost always possible. But the rules have changed. Possibly the orphanage staff were worried about “sp...

How many of you have noticed the advice regarding housework once children come along? Generally it goes along the line of not worrying about it, because the kids are more important. I guess that’s one point, the other is that the effects of tidying up don’t last long with kiddies around. A mother on a forum had this quote in her signature: “Tidying up while your children are growing is like shovelling snow while it’s still snowing.” It just so happens that today I noticed the suitcase. The one from our trip to Greece for a friend’s wedding. Three weeks ago. It’s lying near the window in our bedroom, and on it a growing pile of debris. I can’t put it away yet because there are still things inside, things that were handy for sunny Greece but not quite needed in pre-Winter Poland. Hmmm. Are my standards falling? The fact that our place is clean (and it’s ok to feel a momentary stab of hatred for me at this point), is thanks to our full-time housekeeper. But she isn’t exactly going to ...

(K's favourite belly down position, in the arms of her nanny Zuzia, at 2 months.) One of my absolute pet peeves as a mother is getting unsolicited advice from someone who doesn’t even know me or my child, like a stranger in the street or in the park. “That baby should be wearing a hat!” some woman yelled at the top of her lungs so that an entire guided tour group stopped to stare as I walked my 2-month-old daughter through a small patch of sunlight to a bench in the shade for a feed. All kids in Poland wear hats, no matter the season, and although the longer I’m a mother, the more of a “mad hatter” I’m actually becoming, I take great pleasure in pointing out that while hats are an unwritten rule here, it is really very rare to see children, or anyone for that matter, wearing a helmet when riding a bike. Back in the long-ago days that seemed to go on forever, when Karolinka was a “crying baby” (also known these days as “unsettled”, or “high needs”, but "crying" re...

(24 weeks pregnant with K) It sometimes seems surreal to me that I have already travelled the crazy, scary, exciting and wondrous journey that is conception, pregnancy, birth and infancy. In fact, I am almost out of the toddler years – in 6 months Szymon will be 3, and will already be a “preschooler”, whether Mum likes it or not. The fact that my husband and I are not planning on having more children possibly makes me more susceptible to reminiscing. I am also pretty clucky. But the truth is, I am happy with the stage we are at. I thought once that it would be emotional and sad in a way to see the kids grow up so fast. I was surprised to see how exciting it is though, to watch all the new developments, how fast they progress from one stage to the next. All of us mothers surely agree – our kids are freaking geniuses. How about them being able to hold that first small item in their fists at just over a month old? What about the way they hold their heads up? Hey, they only just learn...

(My and Gosia's older daughters, Karolinka (left) and Helenka (right), who are 3.5 wks apart at approx. 4 months of age.) Dear Readers, When I was pregnant, especially with my first child, I didn't get out of being told some horror stories. I tried to let them in one ear and out the other. I am NOT a supporter of scaring pregnant women. However, this topic is important to me and tragically stillbirth continues to touch too many families. These families have friends and relatives who are in turn devastated as well. Many do not know how to help the parents, or even how they should feel themselves. This information is for anyone touched by stillbirth, or anyone who wants to know a little more about it. Please don't read it if you feel it may distress you. In memory of my friends’ baby girl, Marysia Majewska, tragically born still at 9 months' gestation, on 25 July 2007 *** She will never be forgotten*** It’s a time in my life when everyone I know is pregn...

(This is a photo of me feeding one-month-old Karolinka on holiday in the mountains.) I don’t know if it’s just Poland as I have had no experience of giving birth in other countries (and am unlikely to!), but the issue of breastfeeding and advice given by personnel at the hospital can be most confusing and detrimental to new mothers. Before you get started on this, I am 100% in favour of breastfeeding, although I believe that every mother should do as she feels is right for her and her baby. As many of us know – mothers’ breasts don’t produce “milk” for the first two or so days after birth, and first produce colostrum (which can appear even well before the birth). This is a vital substance containing antibodies and the best argument is this – if Mother Nature intended it to be so, then who are we to argue? It is normal that a newborn baby loses weight in the first days after birth – she passes her first stool and eats colostrum. When Baby is a few days old, and the milk comes in...

(A minute or so after the birth I told Mum to take a picture. S is covered with two towels so you can't see him, but you can see the setting is not a hospital!) Warning: Do NOT try this at home! For those of you who can’t quite believe it, including myself, a rundown on the shortest labour I’ve ever heard of ;-) Looking back it feels like it was fast-forwarded! 4:30 am: I wake up, as usual, and lie in bed not quite able to get up for the loo just yet, disappointed that, once again, I have made it this far through the night with no contractions. 4.45: Bathroom: Finally! Some blood-stained mucous (“bloody show”) – a sign that labour is just around the corner, but it could even be up to 24-48 hours away. Still, I’m happy because I’m having a check-up at 9 am and this way my doctor won’t have to prompt labour as he wanted. I really want things to just start of their own accord. 4.50: Bathroom: A contraction and, man, it hurts! Am I a chicken or is the first phase of labour t...

So here it is – my labour in a nutshell! I have included most details but I don’t think it’s too distressing! All night long from Tues-Wed I had strong period-like pains, which I managed to sleep through ok but felt them each time I woke up to go to the loo. My husband, O, was supposed to go to Warsaw for a shareholders’ meeting on Wed morning and we had the alarm set for 6 am. I woke up just after 5 with the pains still there. I told O. He asked if he should cancel his trip and I said that it’s up to him but maybe he shouldn’t risk going and that he’d promised days before that he wouldn’t travel anywhere before the baby was born. So O cancelled his trip. We fell asleep again and I woke up just after 7, went to the loo and went to check if Mum was awake. The pains had subsided and we had planned to go to Ikea and I wanted to add a few more things to the shopping list. As I stood talking to Mum in the family room I felt a wet trickle run down my leg and I knew it wasn’t urine, because I...

You may have noticed the title of this blog – I’m No Expert. I am just the sum of my experience as a mother, which I am passionate about in practise and in theory, and I would like to share this with other mothers. We know that this is a tough journey, we also know that it is the best journey we have ever undertaken, right? I remember the trepidation I felt during my first pregnancy – the fact that I didn’t even know how to hold a newborn, or what kind of clothing and baby care items I needed to take care of my child. I would really like for this Blog to be some kind of a loose guide for new and expectant mothers, and a place where expectant, new and not-so-new mothers can come, read, laugh, cry, sympathise, empathise, maybe learn something useful, maybe disagree with me, comment and share.