I'm No Expert - a Blog on Motherhood and Life in General

(Pictured right: the photo that brought on my nostalgia for easier times) Please don’t feel bad that you didn’t know I had postnatal depression. Neither did I. I worked it out last week, after suffering for approximately 2.5 years. So I’ve been reading up about it. And so much has started to make sense. Why did I let the first 2.5 years as a mother as two feel as though they were lived under a cloud? I felt guilty. Guilty that having two healthy kids should make me the happiest mother in the world when all I felt I was doing was complaining about how hard it was, that my son was sleeping badly, that he was so demanding when our daughter in comparison had been such an easy baby/toddler. Guilty because I was complaining about my kids when my good friend had lost her much desired second daughter to stillbirth. I had mild PND after giving birth to K. It was mostly feeling like a hopeless mother who couldn’t handle anything without help, and who did not feel a major love for her d...

When planning or expecting a baby, the first thing many of us think about is work. What will happen to me? Will I lose my job? Will I be able to afford to stay at home as long as I want to? It’s a tough situation. I notice a “trend” among Australian friends – most seem to have a year off and return to work part-time when their child is around 12 months old, putting the child into daycare a couple of days a week. This is really interesting because in Poland it’s very different. Daycare is almost non-existent here. I mean, you don’t hear about it. It has a very bad reputation and most people see it as a last resort. But in Poland there are other options available that are not in Australia. I.e. it is relatively inexpensive to hire a nanny. Ok, it is getting more expensive by the year, but for professionals with good salaries it is still moderately to very affordable. Most mothers tend to go back to work after maternity leave ends, around the time the baby is five months old. Several pe...

Am I the only one outraged at the amount you have to spend to get a small plastic toy? I mean, it’s not only a question of whether you can afford it – it’s a question of whether you want to throw your money away on it! Today I have a challenge. To try and get a really special gift for a 6-year-old girl, on a budget of PLN 70 (around 30 AUD). No it’s not some silly game at cheapskate, it’s a new rule introduced into the annual charity Christmas shopping event I have been participating in for the last few years. The budget was once a lot higher – around PLN 200. The kids would make their wish lists and the organiser of this fantastic event would email them out to us all. It was in the form of a table, with the kids’ names and ages, sizes if relevant, and a list of things they wished for. With a budget like that (roughly 90 AUD) it was fun to try and get everything on the list – and almost always possible. But the rules have changed. Possibly the orphanage staff were worried about “sp...

How many of you have noticed the advice regarding housework once children come along? Generally it goes along the line of not worrying about it, because the kids are more important. I guess that’s one point, the other is that the effects of tidying up don’t last long with kiddies around. A mother on a forum had this quote in her signature: “Tidying up while your children are growing is like shovelling snow while it’s still snowing.” It just so happens that today I noticed the suitcase. The one from our trip to Greece for a friend’s wedding. Three weeks ago. It’s lying near the window in our bedroom, and on it a growing pile of debris. I can’t put it away yet because there are still things inside, things that were handy for sunny Greece but not quite needed in pre-Winter Poland. Hmmm. Are my standards falling? The fact that our place is clean (and it’s ok to feel a momentary stab of hatred for me at this point), is thanks to our full-time housekeeper. But she isn’t exactly going to ...

(K's favourite belly down position, in the arms of her nanny Zuzia, at 2 months.) One of my absolute pet peeves as a mother is getting unsolicited advice from someone who doesn’t even know me or my child, like a stranger in the street or in the park. “That baby should be wearing a hat!” some woman yelled at the top of her lungs so that an entire guided tour group stopped to stare as I walked my 2-month-old daughter through a small patch of sunlight to a bench in the shade for a feed. All kids in Poland wear hats, no matter the season, and although the longer I’m a mother, the more of a “mad hatter” I’m actually becoming, I take great pleasure in pointing out that while hats are an unwritten rule here, it is really very rare to see children, or anyone for that matter, wearing a helmet when riding a bike. Back in the long-ago days that seemed to go on forever, when Karolinka was a “crying baby” (also known these days as “unsettled”, or “high needs”, but "crying" re...

(24 weeks pregnant with K) It sometimes seems surreal to me that I have already travelled the crazy, scary, exciting and wondrous journey that is conception, pregnancy, birth and infancy. In fact, I am almost out of the toddler years – in 6 months Szymon will be 3, and will already be a “preschooler”, whether Mum likes it or not. The fact that my husband and I are not planning on having more children possibly makes me more susceptible to reminiscing. I am also pretty clucky. But the truth is, I am happy with the stage we are at. I thought once that it would be emotional and sad in a way to see the kids grow up so fast. I was surprised to see how exciting it is though, to watch all the new developments, how fast they progress from one stage to the next. All of us mothers surely agree – our kids are freaking geniuses. How about them being able to hold that first small item in their fists at just over a month old? What about the way they hold their heads up? Hey, they only just learn...

(My and Gosia's older daughters, Karolinka (left) and Helenka (right), who are 3.5 wks apart at approx. 4 months of age.) Dear Readers, When I was pregnant, especially with my first child, I didn't get out of being told some horror stories. I tried to let them in one ear and out the other. I am NOT a supporter of scaring pregnant women. However, this topic is important to me and tragically stillbirth continues to touch too many families. These families have friends and relatives who are in turn devastated as well. Many do not know how to help the parents, or even how they should feel themselves. This information is for anyone touched by stillbirth, or anyone who wants to know a little more about it. Please don't read it if you feel it may distress you. In memory of my friends’ baby girl, Marysia Majewska, tragically born still at 9 months' gestation, on 25 July 2007 *** She will never be forgotten*** It’s a time in my life when everyone I know is pregn...